My ex is dating an ugly guy

We had met at the BBC, had a wonderful few years together before we had children.We moved to the countryside, but Rod continued his high-profile job as editor of Radio 4's Today programme in London.Why had the vicar allowed the woman who had ruined my marriage to stand there in a virginal white dress making wedding vows, when she spared no thought for me when she barged in on my marriage with her little black dresses, bright red lipstick and 22-year-old body? She kindly dropped everything and came round to see me. 'Perhaps they weren't entirely open with the vicar who married them', she replied.'Well, usually the church allows a wedding to take place if one of the couple hasn't been married before,' she explained. I tried to forget about it and went away for the weekend with friends and our children.Worst of all, that rule was also extended to our nine and ten-year-old sons. Their father had made them promise not to tell me about the wedding.As the news sank in, I began to imagine their strained little faces at the ceremony, the confused emotions they must have felt knowing that any lingering hopes that Mum and Dad could put their differences behind them and reunite were dead.In an uncertain world, marriage seems to offer the dream of lifelong companionship, the security of belonging.

But I thought we were over that when he proposed to me in Malaysia during a thunderstorm.Finding out that your ex-husband is re-marrying is something that most divorcees have to face up to at one time or another, however painful it might be.In polite society, I believe it's usual for the ex to be offered an invitation to the wedding and to be diplomatically busy on the weekend in question. To be told by a newspaper journalist, as I was last week, is shocking.I barely had time to brush my hair, let alone put on any lipstick. But as Maria pinned the hem on my silk gown, I wasn't to know that Rod had already started an affair with the girl he married last week.I suppose my grief at hearing of their wedding was partly because it brought back those terrible memories of betrayal, but there is more - I felt betrayed by the church and made a fool of by the institution that is the white wedding.

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  1. The fact that this article was published in the peer reviewed (Nov 2012), suggests that research and logic are finally influencing scientific thinking on this subject.

  2. It is four-and-a-half years since we separated, and I had hoped that by now I would be over the pain of my marriage breaking down. I still feel angry that a woman 20 years my junior has stolen my husband. I was left alone on our honeymoon in the Far East while he flew home - claiming work commitments - to see his then mistress.