A handful of guys who I emailed regularly but never actually met.
One guy who I tried to meet in person but he had to cancel once, I had to cancel the next time, and we never tried the third time.
For one thing, then some innocent techie would be saddled with a girlfriend who hates him.
For another thing, being open to dating techies is a of the thing you actually care about, which is her not being an asshole.
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I found my guy within two months, but of course a lot of that is just luck.
I don’t have a lot to say to the second group at this time (although theunitofcaring’s Meditation on Boundaries, which has been recently going around again, is excellent, and I endorse her statement that all conversations about desexualization need to begin from the baseline that people should promptly say “no” to intimate activities that they don’t want).
But I recently found an article from a few years back that I think might help explain the second group’s position to my readers who are prone to the “rapist” thing.
But the reality is that all he has to do is have a personality. The exact same scenario has been playing out in San Francisco for the last few years. The biggest thing, the thing that bothered me the most is I felt like my intelligence was greatly devalued,” she wrote. “They feel like they’re dealing with someone who has poor social skills, not a lot of style, and isn’t that attractive, or is decently good-looking, successful, or cool, but by default knows it and acts like it, with a huge ego and selfish mind-set in tow.” One woman, Bridget Arlene, spent three years in Seattle for graduate school, and said that she actually moved out of the city, in part because of the type of available men—most of whom had computer science or engineering degrees and worked for Google, Microsoft, or Amazon.
One woman, Violet, a 33-year-old who has lived in the Bay Area for eight years, with one of those in the “belly of the beast,” Palo Alto, experienced many of the same things I and other women did. They had a lot to say about their job, but their development as a complete human being seemed to be stunted. “The type of person who is attracted to these jobs and thus to the Seattle area seems to be a socially awkward, emotionally stunted, sheltered, strangely entitled, and/or a misogynistic individual,” she wrote in an email.